A New Season and a New Schedule

Thankfully the weather is changing, in spite of what the ground hog predicted.  The days are beginning to get longer and the weather is getting warmer.  With that change, come schedules - sports schedules.

This will be the first year Danielle will not be on the schedule.  Her softball season ended last spring, as she was a senior.  We're having mixed emotions about that.

Where she drops off, though, Benjamin picks up.  He will be playing soccer this spring.  This is a first for our family, we never played soccer - none of us!  The amusing part is, I am going to be his coach; I have never been a coach of anything!  New Season - New Schedule!      

Forced Vacation

Well, after praying and thinking, and praying and thinking, and praying and thinking, I have decided to enjoy my God-forced vacation.  I have also decided to stop beating myself up over the past.  No amount of thinking and beating can change it; so I'M MOVIN ON!

I started my vacation off yesterday by spending 2 hours with God at the park.  That was nice.  Today, I cleaned this morning then I started a quilt.  It's a block a month quilt kit, so it should take a year to finish.  I did three blocks today.  We'll see how many I do next month; or if I can even wait until next month to do more. :)  

Not So Free

The kids have been in school since November 8.  Benjamin started 3 day a week pre-school in January.  At first, I was so amazed at how much better I felt health wise.  I still feel great!  Now I am beginning to pray about next year and school.  I wonder if the answer all along was to put Ben in pre-school. I am bored out of my mind! I thought the freedom I would gain by the kids being in school would be good for me... I cant stand just sitting around all day.  Checking email every few minutes to see anyone has contacted me is INSANITY!!!!!   I was made to care for and teach my children...not this!!!! I HATE THIS!  

Not to mention the amount of homework they bring home every night after being gone all day is ridiculous!!!  Benjamin is so frustrated with not being able to play with Aaron when he gets home, it is so sad.  All day Ben asks me, "Mom, when is Aaron going to be home?"  No joke!  ALL DAY!!!! 

  

I am pretty confident Ben will go to kindergarten in the fall.  But what to do with Hannah and Aaron?  I really don't feel called to do anything other than care for and teach them and clean the house.  That's my calling.  I would like to earn money, but that would require me to work outside the home.  I don't want to do that.  I should say, I don't feel called to that.  Some days I think it's a good idea, but mostly, NOT!  Mainly, because I think I might really regret not being here for them, and maybe even at some level resent having them to the point of neglect.  Not legal neglect, I mean letting them fin for themselves more than they should have to at their age.  

Dave really couldn't care less about what I do, if I work or not. He just wants me to be happy.  I think I needed to put the kids in school this year because I needed a break, plus I was so sick for so long, I just couldn't keep up with everything.  

So, then, What's to say I won't end up like this again, if we bring them home for next year?  Well, nothing really!  Then how can I do things differently to prevent this from happening again?  AAHHH now thats the 64 million dollar question!!!   Support system!  I need a good support system in place.  If this were a perfect world what would that look like?  Well, maybe some friends!  I am pretty much a loner.  I mean I have Sue, G, and Diane S, some days.  FISH is down the drain I cant stand the ladies that run it; and I feel like they cant stand me, whether or not there's any truth to that is a different story.  Maybe I need to find a new group.

You know, God has been changing the way I think about a lot of different things lately.  I wonder if I have been too recluse in my thinking and picking of friends?  Too guarded.  How can I change that?  What can I do to make friends.  What kind of friends do I want to have?  Like minded ones, ones that are Christians, it would be nice if they had kinds our kids ages and liked sports.  I am signed up to be a coach for Ben's grasshopper soccer team. (that's a whole other blog!)  Maybe that will help.  Maybe I should contact Terry Picnic.  I think her daughter is Hannah's age.  They played basketball together last year and they cyber school, plus they go to the Chapel too.  What about Aaron?  He has Ronnie and Jared.  I like Caleb and Isaac, they are nice boys...as far as boys go. :)  

Maybe I could check out the Washington Co-op for fall classes.  That would be helpful, maybe. 

What have I learned from this little escapade?  Well, I need a support group.  I need to be in God's word everyday, and taking my kids with me through it.  I have learned that I can not care about what others think of me or my kids.  I can not compare my children to other kids.  My home school will look like what GOD wants it too look like.  AND Not to care about high school or college before its time to care about those things!  That has to be the biggest mistake I made with Danielle and Dillon.  Freaking out about what college they might or might not get into based on their home school achievements.  I said God was leading us...but he wasn't I WAS!  I cared too much about the major things and not enough attention to the minor things...that as it turns out were really the major things after all.  Like reading and basic math concepts, not making them write when they didn't want to.  Not planning out ahead of time.  Basically, not making "real" school a priority in their lives.

I think the main reason, the NUMBER 1 reason I quit on Hannah and Aaron this year, was because I felt like such a failure with the older two.  I really took it hard that neither one of them were going to college on scholarships, like my friends kids were (see the comparing).  That's the truth! Oh my gosh!  Thats the truth, I felt like a failure and didnt see the point in fighting anymore.  I quit on them.